With a Glue-Gun and Some Ingenuity, You Too Can Be a Dirty Whore!

How To Make Your Own Pasties

 

It’s Trashy Crafts with Piper Trace!

Hi sexy bitches! Let’s do a Halloween craft. Do you want to go topless or wear a sheer top for a special Halloween party or private celebration…but maybe you’re a little too shy? Pasties are the perfect answer! And why buy them when you are a crafty little whore?

We make our own!

TOTAL APPROXIMATE TIME FOR CRAFT: 30 mins. It’s actually very simple. I just like to talk a lot. 🙂

Supplies Needed:

  • Felt
  • Glue gun (Be careful—glue guns are HOT and they drip glue while they’re sitting there. Do I need to say that?)
  • Tape measure
  • Fabric scissors
  • And whatever adornments you might want. In my picture I show a sparkly fabric and adhesive studs (c’mon, let’s go there: picture it…a stud all stuck to you, maybe more than one!), tassels, sequins, etc.

STEP ONE:

Get topless. I do all my crafting topless…doesn’t everyone? No, really, you need to measure the diameter of your areola. Go stand in front of the mirror with your tape measure and get the measurement. Then lift your breasts, feel the weight of them in your hands, squeeze them and pinch your nipples a little. This has nothing to do with the craft project, but it’s fun and you’re topless and you have great boobs, so why not?

I have large nipples, so my measurement was 3”. Now walk around your house and find a circle to trace with the same diameter. Interestingly, the base of my wine glasses are a perfect 3”… I immediately open a bottle of wine, because why get out a wine glass if you’re not going to fill it? I’m not a complete heathen. I don’t care if it’s 1:30 in the afternoon. Here at pipertrace.com we selectively decide which rules to follow, right? Even if your wine glasses won’t work for your nipple size, you might still choose to have a glass with me. Or a beer. I love all kinds.

WARNING: alcohol, glue-guns and scissors do not play well together! Please don’t hurt yourself. Do not try this at home. Proceed at your own risk. I’m a professional. Honestly this whole craft should take you thirty minutes. If you’re drunk enough to hurt yourself in thirty minutes… well goddamn, what are you drinking?? Stop crafting and go lie down. Tell your partner you’re looking for some action, take a nap, and then come back and finish your trashy craft when you’re sober and well-satisfied.

STEP TWO:

Trace two circles on your felt. Be careful not to spill your wine. The “official” fabric for classic pasties is buckram (stiffened cotton cloth) but my fabric store didn’t carry it. I asked for help. The woman said they didn’t have any and asked what I was making. I smiled and said, “Pasties!” She looked confused. I said, “You know, for my boobs.” (Pointing at them for emphasis.) She paused, said “Oh” and had no more suggestions for me…

So I picked felt and I think it will work fine. All you really need is a fabric with some weight and stiffness to it…some heft. Hmmm, weight, stiffness and heft…reminds me of sexy Ford Lachance’s thick cock in my light-BDSM novel Come When Called that I sold to Ellora’s Cave! Release date to be announced!!

(Add Come When Called to your to-be-read list, take a drink of wine, now back to the craft.)

I traced on black fabric with a pencil and it showed up fine. The wine I’m drinking is a 2005 Grenache from McLaren Vale in Australia, and it pairs wonderfully with Trashy Crafts. Who says I can’t pair wines? Cut out your two circles. Stop checking your texts—they can wait. We’re having girl-time here!

STEP THREE:

At this point, start heating up your glue gun. (Don’t judge my crappy glue-gun—it’s been well-used. A glue-gun is a crafter’s duct tape.) Fold your circles in half and then in half again. This will make subtle creases that will show you the center of your circles. Cut up one crease until you reach the center (do not cut further than the exact center!)

STEP FOUR:

Now make another cut up to the center to form a small triangle like Pac-Man®. You can make it bigger if you need to after we check the sizing. Overlap the circle where you’ve cut the triangle out to form a cone. Check the sizing on your nipples. You’ll need enough of an overlap to glue your circle shut, but you don’t want too much excess or it will be bulky. When you have the correct sizing (don’t worry about uneven edges) glue the sides together to make your cone.

Trim any excess on the edges to make a nice circle. Hey, they’re starting to look like pasties! (Please don’t try them on if the glue is still hot, you don’t want to burn your nipples. Unless you’re into that sort of thing… We don’t judge here at pipertrace.com. 🙂 But the glue from a glue-gun is FUCKING HOT so I wouldn’t recommend it.) Besides, no glue-gunning your nipples allowed—we’re having girl-time here! Save that freaky shit until we’re done with the craft, at which time I expect you to show them off to your chosen partner immediately and get your freak on then.

STEP FIVE:

Now you’re ready to adorn your home-made nipple petals! You can use strung sequins if you want—just start at the center and glue them in a tight spiral to the edges. Or you can cover them with fabric (that’s what I’m doing, because I’ll be wearing them with a sheer top and I don’t want my sheer top to “catch” on the sequins). Or you can stick adhesive studs on them (snicker). Or you can dip them in fabric glue and cover them in glitter.

To cover them in fabric: roughly cut fabric larger than each pasty, smear glue all over the top of the pasty, and drape the fabric over it so that you can see where to cut the triangle to shape the fabric over the pasty in the same way you constructed the cone-shape of the pasty-base.

Trim the edges to about ¼-½” and add a ring of glue to the inside of the pasty. Let the glue cool for a sec and then “pleat” the excess over the edges all around. Add more glue to the pleats to hold them down. Then try to smear glue around the insides of the pasties to help make them waterproof and give them more stiffness. Don’t worry if you’re a hot mess—at this point I had glue ALL OVER my fingers and hands. It rubs off. (That’s what he said!) Just try not to get glue on the front of the pasty.

If you’re a super-neat crafter, you might not like what the inside looks like, but if you’re a get-‘er-done crafter like me…well, trust me, no one will see the back!

When you’re done, turn them over and check the shape. Try to mold them into a nice shape while the glue is still warm and pick all the excess “glue strings” off the front. Let them cool and dry. Don’t worry if they aren’t perfect. If someone is looking at them close enough to notice their imperfections, trust me, they aren’t getting that close to check out your handiwork! Stop worrying about your craftsmanship and tell him where he can start licking you!

If you want to go old-school and use tassels, then once your pasties are dry, sew a tassel to the tip of each pasty with a needle and thread. Make sure you have enough slack for them to swing freely!

To wear the pasties, make sure you don’t have any greasy lotion on your skin and glue them to your nipples using spirit gum (can be found at costume or theater shops) or I’ve heard eyelash adhesive works too, though I’ve never tried it. You can also use double-sided tape (like pageant-girls use), and you can get that at most fabric or lingerie stores, but I haven’t tried that either! Be careful—nipples are sensitive. You might want to do a patch test to make sure you aren’t allergic!

Now put on those pasties and go GET SOME, you dirty whore. Make me proud. 🙂

Comments

  1. Oh, god…laughing so hard! Love it!

  2. LOVE the site!!!!!

  3. Oh my God, I’m dying here. This is HILARIOUS! And yet practical, too… I keep thinking of that line in THE GRADUATE where the stripper twirls her tassles: “You’re missing a great effect!” (Okay, you’re probably too young for THE GRADUATE, but it was a classic scene.)

    BTW, love the pretty new blog!

    • I saw The Graduate…a classic!! Thanks for the comment Becke! I’m glad you enjoyed my tutorial. And keep this craft in mind for Christmas too…they make great stocking stuffers for your friends and family… 😉 Instead of Book Club, maybe I should get the neighborhood ladies together to make pasties.

Trackbacks

  1. […] or writing books! You can check out some of my craft tutorials on my website at http://www.pipertrace.com. Stop by and learn how to make your own pasties! They make great stocking-stuffers, […]

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